When Jo Piazza got engaged at age 34, she had trouble determining books on marriage that resonated with her, much less any that discussed how to be married after the wedding cake has been cut and the honeymoon is over.
Every book written about marriage is awful and doesnt relate to a modern girl, Piazza, who got engaged three months after meeting her husband on a barge in the Galapagos islands, told Fox News. They dont give you advice to make a wedding work before its violate, before everyones sobbing on the floor.
With that void in mind, Piazza decided to take matters into her own hands, collecting advice from successful married couple around the world.
I thought, We crowdsource everything else in our lives these days so why cant I crowdsource how to make a wedding run? the travel journalist remembered. So, thats what I did.
The result is Piazzas latest book, How to Be Wedded: What I Learned from Real Girls on Five Continents About Surviving My First( Really Hard) Year of Marriage , in which she shares the insight she gleaned over the course of a year interviewing women in places like Africa, Scandinavia and Latin America.
Here, Piazza discloses some of those proved ways shes learned going to be able to make a wedding last 😛 TAGEND
1. Take care of yourself
When Piazza traveled to politically embroiled Jerusalem, she satisfied Jewish women whose children risk “peoples lives” daily walking to school as bombs frequently detonate in the street. It may seem counterintuitive, but to deal with that reality, they stimulate self-care a priority, as Orthodox Judaism mandates. For instance, their religion is asking that women refrain from having sex with their spouses during certain periods of the month in lieu of taking time for self-reflection, Piazza said. Its like what the flight attendant tell you on the plane: Secure your own oxygen mask before you procure another persons, she explained. In Jerusalem, Their world is typically more dangerous than ours, but the world is generally hard and dangerous, so if youre trying to be someone elses caretaker, you have to take care of yourself to make sure you can do that.
2. Dont lose your identity
In France, the married girls Piazza spoke with advised spending one night away from your husband, either alone or with girlfriends. When youre in a matrimony, there are too many people who dont talk to their friends at all, Piazza told. Everyone else told me to take vacations away from my husband. In her example, Piazza has procured the old adage Absence constructs the heart grow fonder to be true:[ My spouse] is on a business journey now, Im so excited to consider him.
3. Maintain a sense of mystery
Also in France, Piazza expected females to be relaxed about cheating and having an open marriage, but, she said, They debunked that myth right away no one wants to be cheated on. But what they did say helps keep the flame alive in their weddings is acting like a mistress. In other terms, dont let your partner know what youre doing all the time and dont resort to wearing sweatpants all the time. Find ways to construct him intrigued, put one across makeup, get dressed up, wear sexy lingerie, dont go to the bathroom in front of him, she said. I dont feel anti-feminist went on to say that the more “youre feeling” sexy and vibrant, the very best youll feel too.
4. Communicate but also, listen
A plenty of couples in the United States dont communicate, but even fewer listen, Piazza told. In Tulum, Mexico, matrimony guru Bobby Klein posed a five-minute listening exert in which person or persons speaks for five minutes and the other person has to listen without speaking. Its been one of the best things weve used in our wedding, Piazza said. It feels like a mini therapy session.
5. Dont let your job dictate your wedding
The Dutch and the Danes know a thing or two about unplugging for the good of their marriages. Of course, Northern Europeans have shorter run weeks than Americans. But more important, another job aim when they leave the office, and for the many of the couples Piazza spoke with, cellphones arent allowed at the dining table or in bed. They value quality period more than we do, Piazza observed. Americans create more busy work instead of prioritizing their marriages.
6. Build a support system
In Kenya and Tanzania, Piazza met polygamist tribes from whom she learned the importance of having a support system beyond the immediate partnership a marriage affords. In America, we often go off into these tribes of two, and its you and your partner against the world, she told. But in Africa, What I learned was the importance of community and delegating labor your spouse cant be everything for you, and you cant be everything for your spouse. Its important to have other people around you to help you take care of yourself, your spouse and your kids.
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